I find it terrible how absolutly bored I am so very much of the time. And it is not like it is while I am at work where watching paint dry becomes suddenly the best option available, I'm bored at home when I want to be entertained. There is very little I like watching on TV so I burn through that quickly, and it appears that the writing for various shows like 30 rock and the Office are sliding again. I actually sat here and listened to a book on tape (yes, cause I am THAT cool) while the latest show of the Office was on cause it was just boring and painful to watch. And I started watching the new Season of Dexter and while I enjoy the show, the writing on it is also feeling weak. For example they said in the most recent episode that a guy is being charged with assault with a deadly weapon. And when describing the situation in more detail, he kicked another guy when he was on the ground. So let me see if I have this right. The deadly weapon... was his foot. Quality writing I think not. I think cinema in general suffers from internal bleeding, no visible difference on the outside but still slowly dying and getting WEAK. But then again I am putting these shows up against my new favorite past time. Watching the dog attack a tennis ball that is juuuust too big for her to pick up in her mouth. Hours of fun, I kid you not.
This past week has been busy, and draining though, it seems for everyone. I am super behind in work which I HATE. I am used to being uber far ahead, but have somehow recently just started to be slower. Not really sure why, but I did get a new temporary supervisor which is pretty sweet, so I'm no longer told that I can only take sick leave if a tree falls on me. Oh class is my boss. But other than that it has been a paint filled weekend again, and the guest room is finally painted but I decided to take on a new conquest, Doors. And as I found out, for some got forsaken reason every door in the house is, yes wait for it, designed to be 1/4 inch Smaller than the doors available on the market. So every door I buy CANNOT CLOSE. Freakin quality. But I am not stopped by this set of circumstances, NO and NAY but not the horse kind of nay, which is spelled ney I think, or neehh, ANYWAY, I will not be daunted but this task, so I promptly went out and bought a dremel (for those who don't know we will call it a "magic" drill capable of .... well, dremeling) and did "things" to the door to make it work. Granted my first attempt butchered the door, but I managed to turn it around. So now I have a real door, much like Pinnocio was a real boy, on my bedroom door so that the freakin CAT can't break in anymore, and ideally will not be able to be heard when he sits outside the bedroom door bleating his stinking head off. Something in general is weird with my pets. Maybe it is something in the water. My puppy pug is a freakin bully who will literally beat up on Great Danes and Mastifs. Granted these big dogs just roll with it but I think they have convinced my puppy that she can actually chase down a car and submit it to her will. Too much ego boost on this puppy.
Spent a lot of time around babies this week. It was like baby assault week, very wierd. Piece of advice, if someone ever asks you to hold thier baby, don't ask if they bounce. The answer is yes, but just a little, just a little. So no need to experiment. I felt like people kept trying to get me to hold babies too, like I was on some sort of Mayoral campaign, and the only thing I can say is babies are Heavy As Shit. This might be that unlike normal people who are 80% water babies are only 50% water and about 30% super dense Feces. But babies are cute in that "I'm glad you're holding them and they are not currently crying or pooping" sort of way. I have found that I actually have to leave stores when parents let thier babies just scream thier heads off. Baby ball gag (you'll see in today's patents) that's all I have to say.
I had a sad moment this weekend. I went to the dogfish bar and finally go to try one of thier brews known as Pangea. Now this beer is called such because it contains at least one ingredient from every Continent on the planet including water from the Antartic. Now I may have played this up in my head too much, but I was expecting something along the lines of taking a sip and then Unicorns start running around and angels come down and give me a massage while high fiving Jackie Chan who is there soley to grab a pint himself. Not so much. Had a taste and all I could thing was "It's a little hoppy with some Ginger" I HATE when I build stuff up in my head. Maybe that is why I almost try to be pessimistic cause it makes everything freaking awesome by comparison. "Pleasantly surprised" if you will. But some things are getting so bad even my pessimism isnt working. I turn on the radio now and am actually struck mute with how absolutly moronic the music is. I keep hearing this one song with the lyrics "Lets go all the way tonight". Really? Really that is the best lyrics you were able to come up with? I wish I could stab my radio in the face, but sadly, that would lower the value of my car. But even so I have been using Pandora to supplement my musical needs, but recently it has been locking up on me, as though it too knows that there is no good music out there and is just like "Well, sorry we can't help you there buddy. Try looking out the window or humming to yourself". Still not sure why that is the error that pops up, but I guess they are just trying to be thorough. But man, urge to stab went up pretty quick when I didn't have Pandora and it seemed every radio channel was playing either Miley Cirus or the Jonas Brothers. Huge Fail. Some people might say I should get Satelite radio, but my responce to that is the same as with Cable TV, "Joy, then I would have 100 channels of crap instead of just 3. And would also be poorer" Synacism level is very high tonight which is not being assisted by the absolute conviction by my dog that there is someone on my porch. She is like the worst creature to have around right after a horror movie cause she will go up to random doors in the house and just growl while staring at it. She would be a great gaurd dog if she didn't alwayse bark at things like, her own reflection, figments of her imagination, and air.
I'm blowing my load on this one a little bit, but someone sent me this list of funny patents so I thought I would pass it along. The baby in the ball gag is my personal favorite.
http://images.businessweek.com/ss/09/04/0408_ridiculous_patents/1.htm
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
40: Another not Monday
You know there is a very distinct style to wearing a belt. Now I'm not going to normal route of fashion accessory on this one, but more the route of bathroom approach. Now consider: When one wears a belt one wishes to wear it so that they do not have overhang (gut) so choose to have it just tight enough to keep their pants up. However! I conjecture that it is far more intelligent to have it one notch TIGHTER than this. The rational for this is as follows. If you belt is just a little tight, it acts as an early warning system for when you need to go to the bathroom. If you suddenly get the urge you can then calmly get up and stroll to the restroom, and if needed, re-notch one loop out so that you can buy yourself an extra 15 minutes, such as if you are in the car. Additionally when you approach the bathroom and that primitive part of your brain is like "hey, we can go pee now" though lord knows why there is a primitive part of your brain that recognizes a toilet, perhaps there was a porcelain urn involved in our evolution way back, but when you brain throws up that "hey-o" flag and the urge is redoubled, you can, as earlier stated, de-notch and stroll confidently up to the urinal.
And yes, this had hitherto been the most interesting thing I have figured out today while at work.
I am not a fan of Mondays, or, nay, even make believe Mondays, aka Tuesday after a 3 day weekend. This weekend though was VERY busy, though I cannot say too relaxing. Friday i was put to work painting with whip and all. And yes for those of you wondering I was painting with a whip, it is very ineffective and slow but the brush strokes in the long run are very even. But I was inclined to paint most of Saturday which might have had an adverse effect on my weekend seeing as I was, literally, watching paint dry. But on to Sunday, I went hiking up Old Rag. And let me tell you this can be one female dog of a mountain if you haven't done it before. It is very fun, but there is a lot of bouldering and climbing on hands and feet to get to certain areas of the trail. It isn't like your usual hoidy toi hiking trails where it is basically paved the whole way and midgets are throwing flowers at you while you eat a McDonalds Hamburger with confidence because the trail is festooned with trash bins. No this trail has you at one point waiting in a line because the people ahead of you are confused about how to climb a rope up a steep slope through a rock crevice to get to the next cliff. This trail is not for the faint of heart of overt of weight. Now when I say overt of weight I say this because there was one section where I had trouble squeezing through cause it is about 3/4 of a foot wide. There are tricks, but some places are a squeeze, and not in that hugs from mom sort of way, but more in that what a fuzzy bear doesn't it need some lov...hold crap it won't let go of me, I can't breath... sort of way. But I do love this hike, I did it last year on my birthday with Meg and it was equally entertaining. There were some overzealous people on the trail this time which made it amusing cause they would sometimes find the super entertaining route that may, or may not, put your life into jeopardy. Keeps the ol' adrenalin runnin. So all in all, very entertaining, minus the massive amount of my legs not working the following day, which was not too bad as I was back to painting a bit. One has to wonder what state their life is in if they are excited about buying doors. Yes, I am excited, nay ecstatic about buying doors to replace the crap doors in my house. Perhaps it is because I hate, almost more than anything, having the cat bang on my bedroom door at 6 in the morning meowing his face off, and, because the door is crap, can sometimes manage to knock it open, come upstairs and, contrary to my wife who says he just wants to be near us cause he needs love, stands at the foot of the bed and meows his face off because contrary to what Meg says, I think he is just an Ass Hat who likes to wake me up. So, needless to say, new door, no cat, life, just that much better.
So many things to buy at Home Depot though. But, unlike Will Ferrel from Old School I actually enjoy going to Home Depot (as long as I am not buying paint) and playing around in the hinges section. I like hinges, not sure why. I am a fan of simple mechanics. But I was thinking about buying a couple computer monitors to create a work station at home so I could work more effectively, but monitors these days are retarded. Here is the evolution of monitors as I know them. Monitors used to be huge, clunky heavy things, then they got bigger, so they were like giant heavy boxes, then flat screens came out and everyone was happy, then they got a bit wider so that watching movies on them was great, and everyone was happy, then something went way the hell out of control and now the monitors you buy at the store are about 20 inches wide and 3 friggin inches high. I do NOT know what the CRAP went wrong. Looking at these monitors is like peering out of those small basement windows at the outside world yearning for freedom. They suck and are only good at looking at pictures of the fish you caught that was "this big" apparently.
Ridiculous.
6082368
This has addiction written all over it (Nicotine Candy Cigarette)
http://www.google.com/patents?id=9zADAAAAEBAJ&printsec=abstract&zoom=4#v=onepage&q&f=false
And yes, this had hitherto been the most interesting thing I have figured out today while at work.
I am not a fan of Mondays, or, nay, even make believe Mondays, aka Tuesday after a 3 day weekend. This weekend though was VERY busy, though I cannot say too relaxing. Friday i was put to work painting with whip and all. And yes for those of you wondering I was painting with a whip, it is very ineffective and slow but the brush strokes in the long run are very even. But I was inclined to paint most of Saturday which might have had an adverse effect on my weekend seeing as I was, literally, watching paint dry. But on to Sunday, I went hiking up Old Rag. And let me tell you this can be one female dog of a mountain if you haven't done it before. It is very fun, but there is a lot of bouldering and climbing on hands and feet to get to certain areas of the trail. It isn't like your usual hoidy toi hiking trails where it is basically paved the whole way and midgets are throwing flowers at you while you eat a McDonalds Hamburger with confidence because the trail is festooned with trash bins. No this trail has you at one point waiting in a line because the people ahead of you are confused about how to climb a rope up a steep slope through a rock crevice to get to the next cliff. This trail is not for the faint of heart of overt of weight. Now when I say overt of weight I say this because there was one section where I had trouble squeezing through cause it is about 3/4 of a foot wide. There are tricks, but some places are a squeeze, and not in that hugs from mom sort of way, but more in that what a fuzzy bear doesn't it need some lov...hold crap it won't let go of me, I can't breath... sort of way. But I do love this hike, I did it last year on my birthday with Meg and it was equally entertaining. There were some overzealous people on the trail this time which made it amusing cause they would sometimes find the super entertaining route that may, or may not, put your life into jeopardy. Keeps the ol' adrenalin runnin. So all in all, very entertaining, minus the massive amount of my legs not working the following day, which was not too bad as I was back to painting a bit. One has to wonder what state their life is in if they are excited about buying doors. Yes, I am excited, nay ecstatic about buying doors to replace the crap doors in my house. Perhaps it is because I hate, almost more than anything, having the cat bang on my bedroom door at 6 in the morning meowing his face off, and, because the door is crap, can sometimes manage to knock it open, come upstairs and, contrary to my wife who says he just wants to be near us cause he needs love, stands at the foot of the bed and meows his face off because contrary to what Meg says, I think he is just an Ass Hat who likes to wake me up. So, needless to say, new door, no cat, life, just that much better.
So many things to buy at Home Depot though. But, unlike Will Ferrel from Old School I actually enjoy going to Home Depot (as long as I am not buying paint) and playing around in the hinges section. I like hinges, not sure why. I am a fan of simple mechanics. But I was thinking about buying a couple computer monitors to create a work station at home so I could work more effectively, but monitors these days are retarded. Here is the evolution of monitors as I know them. Monitors used to be huge, clunky heavy things, then they got bigger, so they were like giant heavy boxes, then flat screens came out and everyone was happy, then they got a bit wider so that watching movies on them was great, and everyone was happy, then something went way the hell out of control and now the monitors you buy at the store are about 20 inches wide and 3 friggin inches high. I do NOT know what the CRAP went wrong. Looking at these monitors is like peering out of those small basement windows at the outside world yearning for freedom. They suck and are only good at looking at pictures of the fish you caught that was "this big" apparently.
Ridiculous.
6082368
This has addiction written all over it (Nicotine Candy Cigarette)
http://www.google.com/patents?id=9zADAAAAEBAJ&printsec=abstract&zoom=4#v=onepage&q&f=false
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